Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
