Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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