He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
