he laminated a picture of his dick.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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