The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
