LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
