I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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