He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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