listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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