R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
