I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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