So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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