there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
