It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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