I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
