If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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