You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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