so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
