I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize