Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
