i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
