so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
