So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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