Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
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