totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
