I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Still dying that you shit outside
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
