just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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