So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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