I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
