??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize