I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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