Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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