I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
