As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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