Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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