tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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