upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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