this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
