also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
