I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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