i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize