Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
they need to just BURY HIM!
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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