after a month anything with tits is on the radar
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
