OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
