had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
