so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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