There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
