At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
