Having a random hookup so left but love u
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
