we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
