TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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