1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
