I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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