Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
