Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
