i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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