I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
