we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
