Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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