You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
