Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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