Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
