You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
