I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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