sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
