I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
