2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
