You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
