I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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