dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
